Turd Birds Review

Look out below.

Birds are known for two things: singing and pooping. Turd Birds for iOS explores the dark side (rather, the chalky-white side) of avian life with an endless running game that’s probably better described as an endless pooper. For a game that’s all about excrement, Turd Birds surprisingly isn’t caca. It doesn’t advance the case for video games as an art form, but you will enjoy bombing the obnoxious humans scuttling below you.

You start off in Turd Birds as an innocent blue bird who frankly resembles Twitter’s mascot. While gorging on popcorn and berries one day, a kid sneaks up on you and fits you with a device that allows him to control you remotely. Suddenly, your new mission in life is to fly far and decorate as many people as possible with your poop.

Turd Birds

You fly automatically, so all that’s really necessary is to swipe left and right to avoid obstacles and tap the screen to let ‘er go. There are several objectives to complete on top of flying as far as possible, and most of these objectives involve pooping on certain breeds of people. You might be required to “splat the lass” five times within a time limit, or to “dookie on the dude.” You’re awarded coins for your messy efforts, which can be used for more power-ups in turn.

One of Turd Birds‘ odder, nastier features is a bonus round that occasionally challenges you to scarf down tons of hamburgers or berries within a time limit. Then you’re supposed to fly over a character portrait and really let one go. Typically, this portrait is a generic headshot of one of the game’s characters, but if you sign into Facebook, you can poop on one of your Friends. Sorry, grandma! Thanks for the apple pie you gave me last Sunday.

Turd Birds

Turd Birds also lets you collect feathers that unlock more birds with hilariously appropriate names (if Otis Splotus can’t get the job done, no bird can). The new birds have awesome abilities like rapid-fire pooping, but some of them require hundreds of feathers to unlock. You can, of course, spend real-life money to unlock birds and power-ups, and of course, you’re probably not going to want to bother (unless you’re really itching to explain to your significant other why you spent $100 in a game called “Turd Birds.”)

Turd Birds’ bonus rounds, achievements, and high-quality graphics give it a slight edge over other endless running games; the realistic pooping effects should (reluctantly) be commended. The game still subscribes heavily to the endless running formula, which you may be thoroughly sick of by now – starting from square one when you mess up is admittedly tedious. Still, you’ll surely crack at least one smile when you unload on passersby. Better them than you.

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