Crap of Defense Review

Crap of Defense hardly lives up to its name, and that’s a good thing. The simple premised but increasingly difficult defense game pits your thumb controlled canon against a gang of different colored soldiers hellbent on destroying you. If resource management seemed like too big a task for you to get into typical tower defense games, then Crap of Defense will probably suit you just fine.

The core of the game is to stop the enemy soldiers from getting past you. To do this, you arm your canon with a finger, drag the reticle to where you want to shoot, and let go to begin the destruction. As the soldiers are constantly coming forward, it takes some time and strategic decisions to understand where and when to fire. You’ve got unlimited ammo, so as fast as you can “click and drag,” you can keep on firing. The longer you hold down on the screen, the more powerful your attack becomes, leading to decisions of whether to fire faster or fire stronger, depending on the situation. Once these items are figured out though, the rest of the game is pretty much just shooting as many soldiers as you can. You create a plan of attack, and stick to it. It’d be nice if the game mixed up its tempo here and there, causing you to rethink your strategy mid-level.

Each level gives you a limited number of missile shots, which will spread your attack over a larger area, killing more soldiers. There are also power-ups left behind from enemy bodies that will slow your opponent down, increase your firepower, call in airstrikes, and so on. Over time, your canon upgrades itself to become more powerful, and shoot faster. Enemies start coming in different colors, with different attributes. Blue ones are standard. Gray ones are fast, but weak. Green ones are slow, but strong.

“Missionz” play takes you level by level trying to accomplish a specific goal. Most have you killing x number of enemies, while only allowing so many to pass by you. Others are time based, where you survive for a set length of time without letting but so many soldiers creep through. There’s also a “Survivalz” mode that tests how long you can last against a never ending parade of bad guys. Each mode has three difficulty levels; Rookie, Soldat, and Badass.

The art style seems to be ripped out of a grade schoolers doodle pad. The enemies and tanks have a hand-drawn look, practically on ripped sheets of paper, that adds humor and an innocent look to what’s really a violent war game. An option is available to turn on blood, but it’s not too gruesome. The only difference is that without blood, your attacks leave black rings on the point impact, and with blood on, there’s a bit of red splattered in there too.

The music is pretty simple, war-inspired fanfare. There is a memorable 8-bit victory jingle after succeeding that inspires a job a well done. The overall style and tone of the game is a bit tongue in cheek, and humorous. With its intentional misspellings, self-deprecating tile, and basic yet approachable art style, it’s not only a fun game, but one that pokes fun at itself.

With 24 missions on three different levels of difficulty, and a survival mode, there’s plenty of game here for your two dollars. Advertising itself as “the worst game ever,” Crap of Defense is far from it.

The good

The bad

80 out of 100

Daniel Lloyd