Interview: We Chat To The OutCats About Which Of Them You Should Vote For

Disclaimer: The words from The OutCats included in this article are translated from Cat Speak. Some may not always be direct translations. 

You may have seen a lot of kerfuffle in recent days about a shady group called The OutCats sabotaging the social media channels of PONOS, the studio behind The Battle Cats.

The shady characters that were responsible were Stealth Cat, Sick Cat, and Trash Cat. Their demands to join The Battle Cats were met – partially. One of these Cats will join The Battle Cats in spring 2024. 

The game’s players will choose which one gets the call through a public vote, to be held between now and December 3rd. 

And now we have the dubious honour to talk to them about who they are, whether they actually like one another, as well as any other gossip they’d care to share…

Gamezebo: Why are you called the OutCats? Were any other names put forward?

Sick Cat: For me, OutCats wasn’t my first choice. I had some great names to share during our early brainstorming sessions, but the others didn’t recognize the genius.

The C-List, The Disposables, F.a.T.C.a.T…    

Stealth Cat: F.a.T.C.a.T. That one was a stretch…

Sick Cat: Yes – Forgotten and Terminated Cats are Terrific! Catchy, isn’t it?

Sure, we love it…anyhow, do you actually like the other OutCats? Be honest!

Trash Cat: When you have spent nine miserable years backed into a corner as we have been, you’ll take any help you can get to claw your way out. But the fact is only one of us can be chosen, and it’s every Cat for themselves now.  

Stealth Cat: I cannot tell you how difficult it has been working with these unhygienic amateurs.

Sick Cat: Aww… I thought we were all friends?

Come on you lot, keep it civil. Not to stir the pot, but what difficulties have there been in particular? Please spare no detail….

Stealth Cat: Look, it’s obvious that Trash Cat is a smart kitty. They’ve gotta know the health risks of carrying around rotting garbage everywhere. I think they just refuse to leave that filthy can as some sort of bizarre way of asserting dominance by forcing the rest of us to endure that stink for years while we planned our revenge. 

And, look… (aside to Sick Cat) I’m sorry, pal, but I gotta be honest… Sick Cat really hasn’t contributed much. They can’t even sit up by themself! Any time we ask ’em to help out they have another “attack” until we just leave the room.

Sick Cat: Listen, my condition is very serious and very real okay?

Trash Cat, do you fear that your stench might let you down in this public vote, or do you expect people to vote with their hearts – not their noses?

Trash Cat: Thankfully my unfortunate stench doesn’t carry over the internet. My obviously superior intellect will draw a strong voting base to give me the victory, in spite of unfair social prejudice against the hygenically challenged.

I bet you’re praying no public appearances are necessary in this campaign then?

Trash Cat: Appearing in public before the deal is done and one of us is officially in the Cat Army is an invitation for them to just capture us and not fulfill their promises. All campaigning will be entirely virtual from the secret lair until voting is done.

We see. Stealth Cat, how do you expect people to vote for a Cat who doesn’t even want to be seen?

Stealth Cat: Find me a Battle Cat who doesn’t have skeletons in their litterbox, and I’ll happily shed this cardboard and reveal my adorable face to the world. And just so we’re clear, this is highly specialized espionage equipment that I wear to remind everyone of the superior intelligence gathering skills I can bring to the Cat Army.

Sick Cat: I’ve seen them under that thing. Trust me, it’d be worse for everyone if he took it off.

Sick Cat, how have your medical staff helped you on this campaign? Are they also complicit when it comes to The OutCats sabotage?

Sick Cat: Ah, you mean my interns? They are here to learn from my sterling example of how best to live life in the face of adversity. True, they are all coincidentally nursing professionals, bound by the Hippocratic Oath and doctor-patient confidentiality… but I must make clear that whatever actions we OutCats have been forced to take, they are impartial observers to our cause for justice. 

Trash Cat: I should know, I’m the one who pays their salary…

Paying their salaries? Surely this is a conflict of interest…or does this show your big hearted nature?

Trash Cat: I’ve saved a lot up by living modestly in this can for over 9 years, and I can afford to share the wealth to care for my unfortunate friend. These nurses… 

(Sick Cat interjects: INTERNS!)

…yes. These “interns” are grown Cats who can judge for themselves which of us OutCats is most deserving of their vote. I’m sure they wouldn’t let such a crass consideration like staying employed in this terrible economy influence their decis-hhhcuh cuhh!!!

Please cough away from us, if you can. Sick Cat, you have been the most open about the dark history of your fellow OutCats. What should our readers know that they might not want to be made public?

Sick Cat: I’ve been around Trash Cat long enough to know that his B.O. could strip the paint off of a freshly painted Cat Cannon. You may question my health in these trying times, but overwhelming stench is a choice, and one I hope your readers will see is a mistaken one. As for Stealth Cat… I’ve seen things, and none of them come close to what’s hiding underneath that box. Seeing it will do to your eyes what Trash Cat’s stench does to your nose.

Trash Cat: Those cannons were already rusty to begin with, just like your heart, I hear. Aren’t you due for another transplant soon?

Stealth Cat: Who cares what the box is covering? You’re not supposed to see it anyway!

A fight broke out between The OutCats at this stage, so no further questions were asked – regardless, we thank them for their time. Do you have a favourite OutCat? We hope this Interview helped you make up your mind. Make sure you download The Battle Cats on iOS and Android to vote. 

Maria Alexander