Godzilla Destruction wants to make you feel like a titan. For the most part, though, it doesn’t make you feel anything at all. It’s a disconnected and distracted one-finger smash-’em-up that fails almost completely to capture the destructive fury of Godzilla on any level, be it man-in-a-rubber-suit or CGI. 

You’re in control of the king of the monsters, stomping around tiny stretches of city. Helicopters and tanks and boats are trying to stop you, so you waddle over and fling an arm at them. They explode. Rinse and repeat until you’ve taken too much damage and you collapse like a drunk uncle towards the end of an open-bar wedding. 

You handle everything with a single digit. There’s a floating joystick that lets you amble around, and if you stop moving close enough to something you’ll hit it. You’ve also got a laser breath move that you can use to hit enemies from farther away. Again, just stop moving and if you’ve got a target you’ll melt them.

Then there are the buildings. Most of these just crumble into clouds of dust when you potter into them, although some require a smack. That can be particularly annoying when you’re surrounded by tanks and copters and the game decides to unleash your monstrous right hook on a concert hall. 

At no point during any of this do you feel like an agent of destruction. There’s no sense of heft, no sense of power. You lumber. Stuff happens. You lumber some more. You gain a power-up that seems to have no practical effect. You die. You delete the game and go outside for some fresh air. 

Everything about Godzilla Destruction is a cumbersome mess. From the menus to the actual gameplay. What should be an exercise in the pleasure of destroying digital things becomes a prime example of how to suck the entertainment out of one of the simplest joys that gaming has to offer.

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