Will cows and aliens ever get along?

I have trouble trusting UFOs. They’re constantly abducting things, and it’s crystal clear that they could care less about the damage they’re doing to our planet. And Hank, the main character of Cowbeam, just might be the worst of the lot. He has an affinity for cows, and he spends his days roaming the galaxy in search of them. Does he milk them or tend to their needs once they’re abducted? Probably not.

Being that Cowbeam is a puzzle game, you won’t just be flying around swooping up every single cow you see. You’ll be seeking out specific ones, whose appearances and traits match that of the planets they reside on. The game will drop you a list of clues that describe the shared traits of the planets and cows, and you’ll have to use that information to track them down in the galaxy at large.

The clues range from things as broad as color to things as specific as whether or not the planet is civilized. It’s a game of elimination — like a virtual version of Guess Who?, only with cows and planets instead of people. If a cow is red, for example, you can immediately ignore planets of any different color.


Arriving later this month for iOS, Cowbeam will treat players to over 50 different levels spanned across 9 unique galaxies. Personally, I’m overjoyed by the fact that all of these galaxies are home to cows. It makes the universe seem warmer and cozier than a heated glass of milk. Which I’m guessing is something most of those planets’ inhabitants will miss having once all their cows are abducted.

Curse you, Hank!